10 Things that Happen to Women Newly in Love

10 Things that Happen to Women Newly in Love

Are you in a new relationship and find yourself in love?  Ahhhh that Cloud 9 feeling of butterflies in your stomach, the constant anticipation of seeing each other again and you can’t keep your hands off each other. You risked the chance of getting hurt because something about that person makes you feel they are “worth it”.  So cliché - but its how you feel.  

That feeling is real--it’s romantic love and it hijacks your brain. You have become smitten with your significant other.  Sometimes this feeling happens right away in the new relationship or it can occur over a longer period of time when you focus your attention on just one person.  Passionate love can occur when that one person has intense special meaning to you. Psychological, biological, and anthropological research has found evidence of “romantic love.” It’s suggested that romantic love dates back thousands of years in almost every part of the world.  Recent brain scan studies by neurologists indicate romantic love is real: It’s a universal feeling.  If you believe that love doesn’t exist, I’m afraid to break this to you it does!

 

Here are 10 REAL things that happen to women when they are romantically in LOVE in their new relationship:

 

  • You want to give that person all your free time. The weekends are no longer just your weekends. You don’t need to make plans to see each other on the weekends, it becomes assumed that you’ll be spending it together, unless otherwise specified. Instead of asking to see each other on the weekends, you share when you can’t see each other since it’s the exception to the routine.

 

  • You find yourself keeping some secrets from your best friend. You now have someone to share confidences with and it’s so exciting to not bottle them up.

 

  • You find yourself having pillow talks about your childhood. All of a sudden you’re thinking about those childhood moments that were meaningful to you.  You want to share them with your significant other when lying down together. There’s something about being horizontal with someone you love that melts away your filter, am I right? #NoShame

 

  • Love songs, romantic movies, they all make you think about that person.
  • You find yourself fantasizing about reliving some of those moments from your favorite rom coms. You also want to have a sign sequence done like in Love Actually. “To me you are perfect.” #BlameHollywood

 

  • You could be having the worst day feeling stressed out about work. But you find yourself having loads of energy and something to always look forward to.

 

  • You start imagining what your babies would look like if you ever had any together. #Guilty #NotGuilty

 

  • You like to tease and play like children. You laugh together. Those moments are everything.

 

  • You wear sexier pajamas to bed. And get up early to fix your makeup/ hair/ whatever bed head damage you have and get back into bed to pretend you just woke up like this. #IwokeUpLikeThis

 

  • You remember the little details of things that person said to you because they have all the meaning in the world to you even though they may seem trivial to your friends and family.

 

 

These 10 things are reflective of our modern day living. The behaviors vary based on culture, but how we feel about love is human nature.  Ladies, rest assured your significant other (or ex) also felt all sorts of things because of your love—whether they show(ed) it or not.

 

Sometimes we fall in and out of love quickly, sometimes we think we were never in love in the first place, sometimes we actually may have not been in love. But one thing is certain, romantic love effects the chemistry of your brain and makes you do and say things you normally wouldn’t. Hopefully that love is requited. <3  If only it were that easy….

 

http://elitedaily.com/dating/10-things-happen-women-first-fall-love/1610247/

21 Questions to Never Ask on a First Date

21 Questions to Never Ask on a First Date

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First Dates . . . They can be awkward and nerve wrecking.  They can be fun and thrilling.  They can leave you with butterflies in your stomach or even a little bit of vomit in your mouth—but hopefully not the latter.  I would argue that the best dates are those where the conversations flow endlessly and before you know it hours pass like minutes.  The worst dates? . . . One person talking endlessly about themselves.  To have a #nailedit first date, avoid asking these 21 questions.

 

What are your spending habits?

How much do you pay for rent?

What elementary school did you go to?

What do your parents do for a living?   What are your parents like?

How do you summer?

Do you pray?  Do you believe in God?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

What are your views on sex on the first date?

How many (sex) partners have you had?

Why did you and your ex break up?

Why you are not married?  Or why are you single?

Do you watch the Kardashians?  Thoughts on Kimye?

What bra cup size are you?  How big is your D***?

Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?

Have you cheated on your ex (exes)?

What’s your favorite sex position?

Who would pay for our wedding?

What’s the longest you’ve gone without getting laid?

What was your GPA in college?  What did you get on your SAT’s/ GRE’s?

What’s your 5 or 10 year plan?

Do you think your friends would like me?

 

List goes on...

 

No one wants to feel like they are on a job interview and interrogated with what they bring to the table.  Instead, ask questions that give you a lot of information about their interests, values, personality, without the interrogation tactics.

A few suggestions include:

What did you do last weekend?

How does your family celebrate the holidays?

Where is your next travel destination?

 

You’ll really be able to size up the person you are with without probing too deeply into their personal life or risking coming off judgmental.

 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/natalia-de-oliveira/2016/09/21-questions-you-should-absolutely-never-ask-on-a-first-date/

My Universal Online Dating Tips

My Universal Online Dating Tips

The digital era has really changed the dynamics of dating. Online dating is here to stay and you have to embrace it.  While the old stigmas associated with online dating are fading, this “new normal” can be an anxiety ridden endeavor. Below are some of the universal tips I give clients:

  1. Profile Pictures
  • Avoid neutral colors; wear colors that pop!
    • Research indicated that online daters who wore bright colors in their profile photos received more messages.
  • Use full body photos
  • Don’t use deceptive photos. Realistic photos and recent photos are a must.
  • Highlight personality strengths and lifestyle through photos, i.e., show your beautiful smile, your pets in your photos, or your hobbies that connect you with others.

 

  1. Profile Content
  • Avoid listing specific music bands, novels/literature, and movies that are your favorites. This way you avoid getting judged before that potential person even has the chance to meet you.
    • Research has indicated that optimal profiles are short and sweet, showcase users’ personalities without being too wordy or content heavy.
  • Avoid having your profile look like your resume. Showcasing awards and career highlights can come off as arrogance
  1. Messaging
  • Be a bit mysterious. Don’t overshare via messaging.
  • Be straightforward. Say what you want to say without overthinking or being overly wordy. Don’t be afraid to hit that send button.
  • But don’t be an ass. Over-confidence is not sexy, but emotional intelligence is very sexy.
  • Don’t message forever. If you’re connecting via text/messaging, go out and meet in person to see if you have a physical connection.
  • Make sure you’re both in it for the same reasons. If you’re sending long messages and the other person keeps it very short, that person may not like long messages OR they may not be trying to “get to know” someone. Figure out what they want quickly by asking questions. If you don’t like the answers you’re getting, move on.
  • Use emojis! Research shows that emoji users get more first dates
  • Be specific. Women like messages that have concrete dates and times to hang out, direct and straight to the point. Women get really turned off by uncertainty. But, keep in mind ladies you have to reciprocate that specificity in your messaging too.

 

How to Handle a Breakup

How to Handle a Breakup

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After a breakup, typically there are so many questions and so little answers. I’ll share with you my tips on how to handle a breakup and some common questions I hear from clients.

 

My tips for getting over a breakup:

  • Analyze: Dwell on the details for a set period of Time. Grieve:  Loss is devastating - you have to find a way to cope and allow yourself time to grieve
  • Grow: A breakup can be a new beginning for personal growth. Consider that -others who have done something great in their lives were pushed to do it because they endured a heart break?
  • Nourish: Take care of your body and love it - stress from a break-up can take a toll.  Revenge body you say?
  • Self-Reflect: Examine your old patterns for ways to make changes. You can’t get different results by repeating the same actions over and over again; that’s literally the definition of insanity.  Change may not be easy, but it’s a worthwhile endeavor.  
  • Avoid the blame game and take responsibility for your share of the relationship.
  • Change your mind set if you feel like years have been wasted in the relationship and you are owed something.  No one is owed anything.
  • Never give up! Don’t let your ego get in the way of finding love.
  • And, most importantly, keep your heart open. Fear of getting hurt is human nature but stay in the dating game!

 

Common questions:

  • Should I unfriend my ex on Facebook?

A break up is more difficult in this era of social media because our exes are electronically in our world.  But it’s a good idea to unfriend and stop following on social media because some people can’t fight the urge to see what their exes are up to. A small percentage aren’t bothered by it and don’t delete and stalk, but most of us will stalk if we are still friends on social networks.

If you delete them, you don’t risk liking their photo on Instagram or commenting on a Facebook picture when you are drunk or having a weak moment.

 

  • Is it okay to remain friends with my ex and hang out sometimes?

This is a complicated one. The simple answer is No.  However, it really depends on you and how over the break up you are. Also, what are your intentions by remaining friends?  If he’s trying to be “friends” and you two are now casually hooking up but you secretly still want to be with him; that’s a problem!  You’re lying to yourself. You can’t have a no strings attached relationship with your ex that is simple and uncomplicated. Conversely if the relationship is just platonic with your ex, ask yourself why you want the relationship?  What is it that he’s providing that you can’t get from your girlfriends or platonic guy friends you don’t have feelings for?  By cutting strong emotional ties with your ex, it will allow you to bond and build a new deep connection with someone else. A continued relationship with your ex may delay that process for you.

 

 

A psychological study pointed out that on the day divorcing coupled signed their divorce papers they commonly felt feelings for one another and some even hooked up! Why?  Because we remember the good memories and forget the reason we broke up in the first place. So imagine how easy it is to fall into the trap of going back to an ex if you’re still “friends.” Also be cautious of your ex’s intentions. Maybe he’s keeping you around for when he’s ready to grow up, or if something better doesn’t come along. Our human drive for security is just as strong as our drive for spontaneity.

 

Take risks!  View the break up as an integral part of growth for you.  Breakups teach us what we want in a life partner. Being in a relationship teaches us a lot about ourselves. Experience builds confidence without us even realizing it.

Stay open and love will come back in. ~

 

 

Searching for Love in the New Year?

Searching for Love in the New Year?

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  The end of the year can create much anxiety.  Have I accomplished all my personal goals??    I have more recently learned to be grateful for what I have & what I have accomplished.  This feeling of gratitude has provided a calmness and peacefulness that I hadn’t experienced when I was younger.

But, as I talk to some friends and clients, I sense their feelings of uneasiness that I recognize from my earlier single years. That feeling where the ball is dropping on New Year’s Eve and all you want more than anything is love.  Yes.  That feeling. “My wish for 20** is the man (or woman) of my dreams.  The mushy kind from rom-coms.”

If you are anxious about starting a new year because  you don’t have the ideal romantic partner you’ve been longing for, and it scares the sh*t out of you that another year has  slipped by, you are NOT alone.

The bad news: Your anxiety and desperation are keeping you from finding love.  The good news: You can change that.  It takes work to learn about ourselves and become mindful of our past behavioral patterns and mistakes.  But guess what, people can & do change!

The biggest lesson?  Living life in the present and enjoying yourself as cliché as it may sound.  It’s what younger me didn’t know 6 years ago, when I wished for love as the clock struck midnight and I saw fireworks.  I kept planning for the life I wanted and lived in a state of anxiety because I didn’t feel complete.  What was really missing in my life at that time was the opportunity to show MYSELF more love.

This year, wish for personal growth, not for love. Love will come when you allow it to enter. When you have succeeded in loving and putting yourself first.

In the spirit of the New Year, I want to share my goals.  Below are my top 15; I tried to keep it short, don’t judge me!

 

  1. Spend quality time with myself
  2. Add more fun to my life
  3. Nurture friendships
  4. Meditate
  5. Prioritize family (sorry for putting ya’ll on the back burner for a while)
  6. Be kind to myself(nae nae with the body shaming)
  7. Take more risks
  8. Sleep more
  9. Continue to open my mind
  10. Spend less on clothes, shoes yadda yadda. . . No seriously! , I’m going to try this 90 days thing where I can’t buy shoes. I was inspired by another woman’s journey. Wish me luck!
  11. Eat healthier---for my mind, body and soul
  12. Spend time away from my partner. I don’t need to be attached to his hip (love you babe)
  13. My word is my bond—sticking to NO, and not doing things I don’t want to do
  14. Become a better listener
  15. Make love like nobody is watching (probably my favorite one! #oops)

 

 

It’s like momma says, you can’t hurry love.  Remember to live life the way you want to live it.  You only get one life, and don’t waste it planning and planning for love to come. ~

http://digitalromanceinc.com/mens/searching-for-love-in-the-new-year/

 

When Should I Sleep with Him?

When Should I Sleep with Him?

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  Ladies, when is the right time to sleep with a man?  Everyone seems to have an opinion on this topic, from your friends, to celebrities and even doctors.  Should you sleep with him or shouldn’t you?

Research shows that most people in the U.S. sleep with someone around date three, others on the first date, and some only after marriage.

The objective of talking about this topic is to empower you to do what you are comfortable with. There is no steadfast three date rule, one month rule, or magic formula for the perfect time.  In my opinion, you can feel emotionally connected and attracted to someone even the first, second, or third date. You don’t have to wait three months because a celebrity dating coach said it will get you the man you want and weed off those who only want sex.

If you’re not sure on the first few dates whether you want to sleep with that new guy, then waiting is a good idea. It’s about reading the cues. Sex can enhance the chemistry or make it fizzle before it even has a chance to develop.

The following key points regarding when to sleep with a man are taken from various popular magazines, experts and books.

“The longer you put off having sex, the better the sex will be.”

I disagree.  If you wait too long to have sex, the sex might be awkward It may also create overly high expectations for that first time.

 

Men are persuading you into bed, but looking for you to say ‘no’ to make it part of the chase.”

I disagree. I think men initially don’t know if they are interested in a woman for short term or long term “mating.” However they want to sleep with you regardless.

 

“Making him wait to have sex will ensure he’s invested in it for the longer haul.”

Sometimes. But there’s also men who will wait several dates until you decide to sleep with him, and are still not interested in a monogamous relationship. It’s something you should communicate if monogamy before sex is important to you.

 

“Sex can cloud judgment.”

I agree. Sex can make things more complicated. If the attraction is too hot and heavy right from the start, you may miss noticing key personality traits you don’t like that are deal breakers for you.

 

“Talk about where the relationship is going before getting into bed with him”

Sometimes. What are your expectations if you have sex with him? If your values dictate that in order to have sex with him, you need to first be in a committed monogamous relationship, then go ahead and have that talk with him. Not every man is going to be comfortable with this conversation. Some may be scared off thinking they haven’t even slept with you yet, how do you expect them to commit? However, there are men willing to commit and invest in a relationship before sleeping together if they are marriage minded.  Ask yourself these questions – How well do I know him? How comfortable am I having sex with him?

 

 

To conclude, keep in mind that some men are highly influenced by the double standard.  Knowing your man’s attitudes and ideals regarding sex can provide cues to knowing how long to wait. There is no formula. It depends on the connection you two have and having sex can make that connection even stronger. If a man judges you because you slept with him “too soon” according to his standards, he may be struggling with a Madonna-whore dichotomy. Bottom line, do what you feel comfortable, when you feel comfortable.

 

http://digitalromanceinc.com/dating/sleep-with-him-when-should-you/

 

10 Signs of a Happy Couple

10 Signs of a Happy Couple

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  None of us are born with an intuitive understanding of what it’s like to be in a relationship. We learn through our surroundings and experiences what we want a happy relationship to look like. I’d like to share my personal list of what a happy relationship looks like.

 

  • Happy couples find coziness and security in each other as well as adventure

After the butterflies are over, they work on maintaining a little spontaneity in their relationship. Our human drive for security is strong, but so is our sense for adventure and edge. Happy couples try to keep things exciting by experiencing new things together. Perhaps it’s taking that trip to Southeast Asia, signing up for an improv class together, or as simple as trying new ethnic food.

 

  • Happy couples handle their conflict by taking ownership

Not every conflict needs to be solved or can be solved. Sometimes it’s just about accepting them. But the ones that can be solved they work on. Perhaps its managing his difficult family, or arguing about a friendship she has that crosses boundaries in your relationship. Happy couples make an effort to empathize with one another and compromise to solve conflicts by taking responsibility.

 

  • Happy couples are best friends with benefits

When couples become too comfortable and are nesting they sometimes neglect sexual intimacy. Happy couples manage being friends and lovers.

 

  • Happy couples include each other in most aspects of their lives

Whether that’s hanging out with each-others friends (making new friends together), sharing an interest or hobby together, or including the other person in something you used to do alone when you were single.

 

  • Happy couples also maintain independence

Maybe he has a boys’ annual fishing trip, maybe she has a girls’ weekly yoga class.  You can share and do most things together if you chose, but be sure to enjoy some time apart to yourselves. This also allows happy couples to miss each other.

 

  • Happy couples respect each-others differences

Happy couples respect and have open mind when it comes to their differences. Love doesn’t understand that his family background conflicts with your parents’ religious beliefs. Having different taste in music or movies shouldn’t matter either! Happy couples balance their different tastes, for example, he teaches her a new genre of music and he learns to enjoy watching romantic comedies with her. The big stuff like different ideals when it comes to money, religion, politics, those are the things that happy couples communicate early on in the relationship and come up with compromises together. Keep in mind that attraction is not something that can be predicted. Happy couples are open to their differences and embrace them.

 

  • Happy couples treat each other like they want to be treated

The golden rule of treat others the way you want to be treated is great, but the platinum rule is treat them how they want to be treated. This includes loving him or her how they want to be loved. Happy couples know each other’s “love language”—quality time, verbal affirmations, acts of service, and physical touch.

 

  • Happy couples share their story with excitement

Every couple has a story. But happy couples share the story about they met with excitement. Research suggests that it’s not about how you met that makes a good story but how you share that story through your facial expressions and enthusiasm.

 

  • Happy couples understand no relationship is perfect

Happy couples learn that no relationship is perfect and that you can’t live up to the ideals of Hollywood or other aspirational benchmarks. Happy couples understand their partner isn’t solely responsible for making their life amazing.

 

  • Happy couples make each other better

Happy couples strive to support each other’s dreams and passions. They encourage each other to be the best version of themselves and are there for each other as an emotional rock when failure happens.

 

It takes work to be in a committed, loving and healthy relationship. Happy couples recognize their strengths and weaknesses, and do not stop working on their relationship. It’s what we all want and should strive for.

 

http://digitalromanceinc.com/mens/happy-couple-10-signs/

 

 

5 Ways Hollywood Gets Real Love Wrong

5 Ways Hollywood Gets Real Love Wrong

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  Generally speaking, Hollywood creates a love story that is unrealistic and too perfect – sweeping romanticism, grand gestures, dying for love, epic tragedies.  These romance movies draw us in emotionally and touch our souls, tricking us to believe that’s what real love looks like. I’m guilty of loving these movies, but I understand that the love stories in most of these movies are not sustainable.  And if you’re looking for success in your next relationship, I suggest not setting your expectations based on Hollywood.

 

Here are 5 ways Hollywood gets real love wrong:

 

  1. Love is all you need

“All you need is love. Love conquers all.”

Love alone can’t solve all the problems let’s be honest. You need to have other important things, like loyalty, trust, purpose and meaning.

 

2.  You cannot walk away from love

“No matter the price, you cannot walk away from love”

No, sometimes you have to walk away. There are plenty of good reasons.

 

3.  Love is not being able to live without that person

“Can’t live, if living is without you”

You can live without him/her. It would be unhealthy and obsessive not to be able to.

 

4. A love that never dies

“Our love is forever”

Love is so much more than a feeling. Love can be broken down into physical response, emotional intimacy, and commitment. And to stay in love takes work. Human nature makes us work for love. Love doesn’t endure all.

 

5. Love is a single soul inhabiting two bodies

“Soul mates.”

Ahh the idea that there’s only one other person for you. You can choose to fall in love with that person, but if it doesn’t work out, chances are there are others out there for you. Not only is it very possible to experience real love with more than one person in a lifetime, it’s possible to fall in love with more than one person at a time.

 

There are movies out there that teach us real love lessons. Lessons about moving on after a breakup, choosing love with someone new, getting caught up in “what ifs” and not appreciating what life actually is, the value of a broken heart, accepting your partner’s flaws, hardships of codependency, creating arbitrary rules for a relationship, growing apart, alternatives to monogamy, and so much more.

 

The key is to not get caught up in a fantasy of a fairy tale. True love, the kind in real life with all its imperfections and struggles is something to be treasured.  True love is about looking at a relationship from a different lens. A lens that sees beauty in imperfection and connection as something more than "butterflies"...it sees love as a reflection of the complexity of being human.

 

http://onlinedatinguniversity.org/5-ways-hollywood-gets-real-love-wrong/

 

10 Reasons Why Dating is Better in NYC than Anywhere Else!

10 Reasons Why Dating is Better in NYC than Anywhere Else!

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People are always mentioning the horrors of dating in New York City.  I would like to offer another perspective; why aren’t people noticing all the pros of being single and meeting and dating in the best city in the world?  Perhaps a lot of New Yorkers just don’t realize how good we have it! Seriously….  

Here’s a list of reasons why I think dating in NYC is the absolute best:

  1. Mobility: 24 hour public transportation—subway, taxi, uber, water taxi yadda yadda. Round the clock public transit is not something to be taken for granted. You can escape a date at any time!
  2. Got a type you prefer to date? The creative types, the finance types, hipsters--whatever tickles your fancy we got em. And we have people from every culture/ethnicity from every part of the world.
  3. With almost 3,000 bars/nightclubs/taverns you can always get your drink on even in the wee hours.
  4. Dinner date? No problem! The city has roughly 16,250 full service restaurants, 19,000 counter service restaurants, and over 4,000 snack and specialty food bars.
  5. Brunching. So you can date during the day time too.
  6. Coffee date? 1700 coffee shops. Apparently Manhattan has the highest density of cafes per zip code. Also about half of the shops within all five boroughs are indie shops so you are not limited to the chains like Starbucks or Dunkin (sorry Starbucks and Dunkin).
  7. Variety: The endless possibilities of events and other stuff to do is great. What’s even better is there’s always free events happening in town: such as free concert series, outdoor movies, and festivals.
  8. Adventure: There’s also experience type of dates you can have—such as rock climbing, late night sail, music festivals, pub crawls just to name a few and almost any type of entertainment you can imagine. So you and your date(s) don’t need to be boring.  After all, it’s “the city that never sleeps”.
  9. What’s Your Pleasure? There’s a huge underground culture and scene in the city. New York has not lost its edge. From what I understand there’s sex clubs—swingers, gay S&M clubs--you name it!
  10. Last but not least (for now) -- it’s really easy to meet people. Yes I said it. So stop thinking that it’s hard to meet people here. If approaching and connecting with someone in person is hard for you, then consider online dating as an introductory service to determine interest. Here’s some of the current popular sites/apps in the city that have lots of users: Tinder, Hinge, Happn, Bumble, OKCupid, Match, Jswipe, Grouper, and Coffee Meets Bagel.

 

There’s so many wonderful reasons why NYC is the best for dating. Also, I’d like to change people’s assumptions that people in NYC “aren’t looking to get married.”  I don’t believe that to be true. I would argue that people here tend to naturally be more ambitious and therefore may post pone getting married and settling down for a little later.  It doesn’t change that they want to one day get married or that every relationship has to be casual.

 

I heard a saying recently “single as a dollar bill.”  Well if you’re as single as a dollar bill in NYC it probably isn’t NYC, it may be you need to change your perspective. I might be able to help. Come talk to me. ~

“I Love You”: Waiting to Hear Your Boyfriend Say Those Three Little Words?

“I Love You”: Waiting to Hear Your Boyfriend Say Those Three Little Words?

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  Who says I Love You first in a relationship: men or women?

According to a study Communicating Commitment in Romantic Relationship men say it first about 70% of the time.  The fact that men are saying it first to their partners significantly more than women makes me wonder if gender roles play a part in it. How many women also don’t want to make the first move and ask a guy out?

The study explained how evolutionarily speaking women have more burden for childbearing and can afford to be choosier with whom they have sex as well as whom they love.  This suggests that in our ancestral environment women waited to declare their love. Perhaps it’s wired in the female brain. So let’s go back to the idea behind a woman professing her love first.

Since men are saying it first the majority of the time in the relationship, does it follow that women are thinking it and feeling it as well but waiting for the guy to profess?  On average it appears that men and women in romantic (sexual) relationships are at the “I love you” stage a few months to half a year into the relationship.  If it’s taking nine months to a year, it may not mean he doesn’t love you, he could just be less emotionally expressive than yo

In recent conversations with women in this position, I would like to share what I emphasized to them.  Keep in mind the following 3 points if you’re at the stage in a romantic relationship with a guy: —dating him for a few months, —falling in love and wondering why he hasn’t professed his love to you.

  • Ask yourself if this relationship is moving at a pace you are comfortable with.  If it’s not and it’s really bothering you that he hasn’t said “I love you,” then it’s worth discussing with him.  Have a conversation about what the possible expectations are behind those 3 words. Perhaps he thinks that once he says “I love you” the expectations are that he has to move in with you, or it’s time to start the wedding planning.  It’s important to ensure that you both understand each other’s perspective.
  • If you avoid having the conversation with him about how you feel, unnecessary tension is likely to build in the relationship. It will come out in other ways through petty conflict and arguments because you need to know what he’s thinking.  And if he loves you why hasn’t he expressed it verbally.
  • After you have the conversation, maybe you’ll sense by his positive reaction and openness to express the strong connection you two have—as a sign that he genuinely loves you. Be willing to give him the time he needs to be ready to say it.  That’s the good scenario.  On the other hand, if after having the conversation you are not sure if he loves you by how he reacted, or if he backs away, give him time to feel and digest his emotions.  It can be confusing. After all, he may want to be the one to say it first.

If after a reasonable amount of time you feel you are not getting closer or taking your relationship to the next stage emotionally, since he still hasn’t said those three little words, then try having the conversation again about your feelings.  Hopefully this time he’s ready to profess his love.  If not, you deserve a man who’s more emotionally available for you.  After all, women can afford to be choosier on who they choose to love. ~

10 Signs Your Boyfriend is Thinking About Marriage (And You are Too!)

10 Signs Your Boyfriend is Thinking About Marriage (And You are Too!)

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For modern urbanites there are a lot of factors that come into play before settling down and getting married. Picking your life partner may be the biggest decision you will ever make. Since it’s April and wedding season is just around the corner, those in long-term relationships can’t help but wonder if the one they are with is who they’ll end up marrying. For you ladies who have found “the one,” how do you know your boyfriend is ready to commit? Tie the knot? Get married.

Here are ten signs he is thinking marriage…

  1. You talk about life plans together: whether or not you’ll have children, and where you’ll settle down and live.
  2. You’re living together and loving it. You signed a lease and he thinks that living with you as his girlfriend is the greatest thing ever.
  3. He is planning for a shared financial future. You’re talking about saving money, and future expenses together. Perhaps he wants to share a joint credit card or bank account.
  4. He likes attending weddings with you, and he doesn’t get nauseated by the ceremony. Maybe the two of you poke fun at the vows a little -- in a loving way, of course – but he isn’t phased by the thought of the bride and groom spending the rest of their lives together. Their commitment seems natural, and he’s happy for them.
  5. He doesn’t care about the “perks” of bachelorhood. He’d rather stay in with you than go out with the guys.
  6. Holidays and being with family are important to him. He likes hanging out with your family, and wants you to spend time with his.
  7. He wants to share something long-term with you, like adopting a dog or cat.
  8. He makes you feel that you are already a family. You are a unit, and he doesn’t make big decisions without asking you or at least having a conversation about it. He knows that his choices affect you, too.
  9. He wants the world to know how in love with you he is. He posts pictures of you on his social media accounts or puts your picture at his desk.
  10. He puts your needs first! That’s the icing on the cake and shows that he’s truly ready for the commitment.

If your boyfriend is giving you these signs – and marriage is something you’re excited about as well -- then off you go! Enjoy the journey ahead.

5 Don’ts for Guys to be More Successful with Online Dating

5 Don’ts for Guys to be More Successful with Online Dating

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There are so many Do’s and Don’ts out there when it comes to online dating that it’s hard to keep track. From swiping to messaging to texting/phone contact, so much can go wrong in between that keeps you from getting that date with the girl(s) you want.  On the flip side, perhaps you’re great at setting up a first date, but cannot ensure that there will be a second date (and not by choice). Recently, a client of mine shared that she went on a date with a guy she met through Jswipe. She was eager to meet the guy she had been chatting with all week and they set up the first date with gusto. But then during their date I got a frantic message from her on how bad it was going. She used the word “torture”; apparently he didn’t look like his pictures. Another client of mine said the guy talked about money, sex, and his health problems on their first date. Also, one of my clients recently talked about issues with a guy’s social media. Hate to point out the obvious, but people judge you based on your social media. That balls deep joke can be considered offensive if a girl reads it on your Facebook page. Remember, the girl hasn’t met you yet, and doesn’t know your humor like your family and friends do.

Here are 5 simple Don’ts that I have gathered by hearing stories from my (female and male) dating coaching clients that I wanted to share with the men to ensure that you get that second date. (Ladies, I have a lot of Don’ts for you too, but keeping it about the guys with this one.)

 

  • Don’t Overshare: talking about money, your health problems, and inappropriate jokes, talking about you ex, controversial topics, and even oversharing on social media counts.
  • Don’t keep saying what a “nice guy” you are. It’s a turn off. Girls want nice guys but saying you’re a nice guy can be interpreted as you’ve been often treated poorly by girls. Remember women want to be with a man whose kind and is genuinely interested but they don’t want to feel like the man is trying too hard to be nice.
  • Don’t straight up lie on your profile- height, what you do for a living, or use misleading photos when you were 10 pounds thinner and your hair wasn’t balding. You can dress better and pick your best photos sure but no need to hide who you are. It’s OK to pick your best photos, just make sure they’re realistic photos of you as well.
  • Don’t talk about sex—what’s your favorite sex position? Ugh. Men don’t want to hear about commitment and women don’t want to hear about sex before even meeting you.
  • Don’t lose momentum; don’t wait days to reply to a girl you really like because you don’t want to seem desperate. Be the real you and show her you’re interested by replying to messages and setting up that date without losing that momentum and keeping the convo flowing.

And lastly, before I send you off to continue swiping, a motivational quote from one of my favorite oldie but goodies Rom-Coms, “10 Things I hate About You.” Health Ledger states, “Don’t let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.” Now, go get her!

Get Over a Breakup Faster by Dwelling on the Details

Get Over a Breakup Faster by Dwelling on the Details

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Romantic relationship breakups are a huge stressor and an emotionally painful experience most people go through at least a couple times in their lives. The act of analyzing and reflecting on the relationship is a way of coping. It’s important to reflect back on the relationship and allow yourself to feel everything you want to feel. This period of reflection about who you were as a person when you were with that person or why you broke up is perfectly healthy. Avoiding those feelings and not allowing yourself to dwell on the details can really prevent you from quickly moving on. Perhaps it’s binging on rom coms, spilling your guts to your best friend, or meeting with a therapist and/or dating coach to help you move on. We are only human. A recent study published in the Journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science (Study of Breakup Recovery) investigated whether consistent discussion about the breakup helped with recovery. The participants were young adults who have been through a non-marital breakup within the past six months. Researchers had two groups; one group of participants reflected on the breakup through interviews with researchers and privately spoke about their relationship through a voice recorder, the other group just completed questionnaires before and after the study.

The researchers found that the sample of participants who had reflected more on their relationship and the breakup felt better by the end of the study. Some people think that dwelling on the details of a breakup prevents you from moving on or letting go, but reflecting on the breakup was found to be quite the coping strategy. The researchers found that the group who felt better by the end of the study was due to reflecting on their “self-concept,” who they are outside of that relationship. So focusing on who you are apart from a couple should empower you to feel better.

If you have recently gone through a breakup I suggest you consider why you broke up and what you want your next relationship to look like. Imagine all the possibilities.

Ladies, Wondering Why You Don't Have a Boyfriend and it's the Holidays?

Ladies, Wondering Why You Don't Have a Boyfriend and it's the Holidays?

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Ohhh the holiday season. Scoring hot items on sale. Eating a lot of baked goods. Open bar holiday parties. Dressing up. Holiday candy. Sure, there’s lots to look forward to this time a year. But for those that are still single… well, it is a time that being single, whether you admit it or not, can get a lonely. This is natural of course, though sometimes hard to admit even to your best girlfriends.

Then there’s your Nana grilling you about not having a boyfriend at holiday dinners. Or the thoughts your relatives are keeping to themselves about your singlehood that you try to block out, such as, questioning your sexuality because you either can’t keep a boyfriend or you’ve been single for so long.

Snoopy relatives aside, the truth is, who doesn’t want to be in love? Who doesn’t want to have someone to make out with at the stroke of midnight... on New Year’s Eve, especially? Or romancing on cold winter days and having fondue while you are off from work? I know that’s what I’ll be doing.

My point is only to empower you. Why not be proactive in your love life, especially during this time of year?

Here’s 5 traps to avoid if you are single around the holidays:

1.       Don’t view the winter as a time to hibernate on the weekends. It is important to put the hours in and go out with your friends at least twice a week. Don’t just sit home and Tinder! There is dating beyond Tinder-ing. I promise. (side note: Research recently has found that 1/3 of married couples have met online between 2005 and 2012. However, the research is funded through sites like eHarmony.com so realistically its much lower than 1/3). Point is get out there and meet people the old fashioned way too!

2.       Stop replying to your ex-boyfriend’s texts. Have an ex that keeps (drunk) texting you around the holiday season to hang out? Of course you do! They love drunk texting this time of year when they feel lonely. Avoid falling into these old patterns because it’s keeping you from finding something that’s mutually real. #toughlove

3.       Don’t let your best friend convince you that you have to stick together and be single. For what? So you can go to ugly sweater parties and other holiday party shenanigans as each other’s dates? Just because she’s being really picky or she can’t get a date (who knows?) doesn’t mean you have to ignore that cute guy that’s been texting you after you went out for the first time last week. Text him back and get to know him better, and if it doesn't work out don’t let it get you down- it’s still a good way to practice your dating etiquette!

4.       So maybe there’s this guy, you’re thinking you met him too close to the holidays so you’re busy going to work holiday parties or other plans you've had for a while, so you tell him you are too busy. Wrong, you are not too busy. Why not make the effort before or after your planned event to explore the feelings you are having? Meeting someone close to the holidays does not mean you have to wait until after the holidays are over to see if something is there. Not to mention you are losing momentum and not seizing the moment.

5.       Remember that just because it’s the holiday season doesn't mean you have to stop looking, or trying, for that matter. Avoid putting on that extra winter weight that makes you feel self-conscious and keeps you hiding. #TheDownsideToSweaterWeather

Try to avoid these 5 traps and be open for love around the holidays. Get out there because it’s not just going to “find you.” This holiday season think of the possibilities and what’s really important to you. Hopefully it’s Love. Isn't it supposed to be the time of year to reflect on the whole year, a time of renewal and hope, giving, helping, and sharing, but most of all, love?

12 Things I Learned from Casual Romantic Relationships

12 Things I Learned from Casual Romantic Relationships

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Casual relationships. Casually dating. Casual sex. Friends with benefits. A fling. Whatever you want to call it; we all know what it is. As Wikipedia – the non-credible-yet-overused source – describes it: "casual sexual relationship, casual relationship, or casual dating, is a physical and emotional relationship between two people who may have casual sex or a near-sexual relationship without necessarily demanding or expecting the extra commitments of a more formal romantic relationship."

While the term is not always used consistently, it’s basically hooking up without the romantic relationship or the plan for something long term part. Usually these relationships expire when one person calls the other person out on the casualness of the relationship because they want more. But that doesn't mean that the experience was all in vain.

This recently happened to a friend of mine, and she wanted me to use her as an example. She was casually dating this guy for two months when she realized he didn't want a relationship with her, but they had really good chemistry and he gave her a lot of attention. This guy texted her dozens of times a day even. The red flag that finally made her realize the casualness of their relationship was that he didn't make plans in advance to hang out with her and that he wasn't always around on the weekends even though he had no problem casually dating her during the week. Did he want a committed relationship with her? No, you know that and I know that. My friend didn't understand how, even when you have a strong emotional and sexual connection with someone, you can still be casual. After all. it looks a lot like love sometimes, doesn't it?

The truth is that you can feel strongly connected to someone you're having a casual relationship with, but it doesn't mean that the person will want committed romantic love or a long-term relationship. Most of us have experienced the bad side of casual relationships where someone gets hurt. The thing with casual relationships is that they don’t have to be bad or a waste of time. As I told my friend, you can take the opportunity to learn something from each one of these situations. Here are 12 things I learned from casual relationships to keep in mind:

  1. You have to be with a lot of “fish” to know when you find the “right” one for you.
  2. Casual dating means you can always be on the look-out for someone new to date. Duh!!!!!!!!!
  3. Monogamy is not expected. Hello,that’s why it’s "casual."
  4. Sometimes these arrangements are necessary because neither of you are ready to commit. Timing for both people involved is everything.
  5. You got to socialize and meet people from the opposite sex. Socialization is important; embrace the life experience!
  6. If the casual relationship didn't turn into a long-term relationship…it's usually for good reason!
  7. There is no such thing as “no strings attached.” Whoever made up that phrase should be shot. Someone always gets attached, and it’s not always the girl!
  8. The sex! Oh, the sex. Well hey, at least you acquired more sexual experience to recycle for when the right person comes along. Your next long-term partner will be thankful you got to experiment.
  9. Don’t drag out a casual relationship into something long term if you didn't want that person for a serious relationship to begin with. Think about your intentions and what you really want out of a serious romantic relationship before you turn something casual into more than what it really is.
  10. Every casual relationship has an expiration date. Why make it a bigger deal than what it really is. On to the next…
  11. Sometimes when casual relationships end they feel like real breakups and that’s okay.
  12. Let’s not blame casual sex on a problem with the so called “hookup culture,” it’s just not the person that wants to be with you. It is what it is.

Hopefully this helps illustrate some of the positives in causal relationships. Don't be afraid of them!

A  Man's Letter to the One Who Got Away

A Man's Letter to the One Who Got Away

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As a dating and relationship coach I get to hear a lot of stories! I wanted to share the love letter a young man wrote about his ex-girlfriend that he wanted to share in hopes that she might read this one day.  "A Man’s Heart wrenching Final Letter to the Woman he loves!"

I’m not a writer! I was never a good writer; I was the guy that got a C in ENC1101. I don’t work for a literary site that dishes out daily articles to provide an escape from the monotony of our daily lives. I am just an ordinary guy who lost the most important thing in his life.

But you know what!? Maybe, I can swallow that pill if I can make a difference. So I guess I’m a messenger of some sorts; like Kanye to be the Voice of a Generation, A Pusher! (Mean Girls style).

Hi my name is Danny and I love women

I wasn’t always good with women, I was the guy who bought girls flowers even before we kissed; Naturally, I got hurt …a lot back in high school. The first crush I ever had Myspace messaged my brother and said she wanted him...MY BROTHER!? I learnt real quick what attracted women. In college, I grew my wings and I dated a lot. By the start of senior year, I was texting 5 girls at the same time and going on multiple dates a week. But I never opened up to any girl. I don’t know why, maybe I figured it was easier to just care less; nobody got hurt that way. There was always a type of girl I was looking for but I hadn’t found her yet. My longest relationship up until then had been a month and that was in high school. They were uncharted territory

Little did I know, my life was about to change forever.

You see, the first day I met “Ariel” my life undeniably and irrevocably changed. There I was, 21 years old in my last year of college at the University gym getting my usual daily pump on. Thus far, it had been a great week, I had already gone on at least two dates and my overconfident ass was reeking of “swag”. Then I see her for the first time, her long blonde hair caught my eye; she was wearing a tight pink shirt that showed off her feminine curves and the cutest freckles that complimented those gorgeous green eyes. She wore tight spanks that showed off that ass that told you; you know she squats, with muscular legs, and a sort of natural beauty that you couldn’t help but notice. She wasn’t your stereotypical idea of sexy but she was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on.

Turns out she was a cheerleader… Hell Yeah!!

She was over in the free weight section (the pump iron playground) by the squat racks, but she wasn’t squatting; No! Today, deadlifts were her game. I had to talk to her. I approached and in a confident spew of narcissistic jargon, I get her attention. I leave her with my number; because at the time, it didn’t matter if she texted or not. I had options….but am I so happy that she did.

A couple days go by since the gym, and I’m on a business trip completely wasted at a sports bar in Tampa, Florida when the first text comes in, “hey what’s up” from a random number. I drunkenly ask who it is. Moments later she replies kindly, “it’s Ariel”.  Now there was a girl that I knew before with the same name so for the first few text exchanges I assumed it was the other girl who I had not spoken to in a while. Then it hit me like a bitch slap to the face!

IT WAS HER!!

When I realized, I felt something I had never felt before; some inexplicable energy shot through my spine like a bullet.

What was that feeling?! I had to explore it!

We met the next day for a simple Froyo date, she loved Oreos on top. We had so much in common: our religion, interests, and most importantly we had an indescribable and unexplainable sexual vibe; attraction was there. She was that old homegrown country girl who rode horses and liked line dancing (came from a simple life) and I was that guy who was raised with housekeepers and maids (grandma with the British accent and all) but none of that mattered in that moment; we just sat on that metal bench outside a 16 handles and talked. Our first kiss that night was back at my place and it felt...Electric. She spent the night at my place but we didn’t have sex, and I was fine with that. This girl had class.

Fast Forward 8 months, I found myself a college graduate, in a relationship with the most amazing girl I have ever met, and awaiting my dream career in the military.

Yet something was wrong.

Now let me say, this girl was truly amazing. Ariel was the epitome of what you would classify a “keeper” and she had won me over. The guy who swore he would never fall in love, the icy pimp motherfucker… was head over heels for this girl; though I would never admit it.

Here’s the problem! we were long out of our honeymoon phase and even though I had felt this way about her, I never knew I had to show it or tell her (remember my longest relationship before was 1 LOUSY month). This was completely new to me. I was like a baby learning to walk but trying to run; thrown in the deep end without floaties while dad drinks a beer.  At this point in our relationship, I hadn’t told her that I loved her, told her how much she meant to me but we were exclusive to each other. She knew I was her man and she was my lady.

I still tried to be that cool guy I was before but I had changed…and there was no going back.

Now before you go writing me off, I am not the social media type people, I barely use Facebook at that, so we never became FB official because it was never important to me. My downfall was I never asked what she wanted. I know! I was a naïve idiot. I never said “I love you” because I was scared, I had never been in love before. What was love? Was I in it? How the hell do you know?? Where would this go?? What if it worked out? Would we get married? We were too young to get married…Right!?  At this point, we spent almost every day together, my friends and family loved her and thought we were great together, and the sex changed from just a familiar, pleasurable experience to something indescribable. Boy was the sex amazing!

Needless to say, she broke up with me and we went through the whole text book breakup with her torn with emotion and me asking her to take me back. We decided to take a “break” but we both knew what it meant. That look that she gave me as she was leaving my bedroom that one spring morning told me all I needed to know. It was over. It was a look of absolute disappointment and hurt and it is forever tattooed in my mind. Why didn’t I chase her down and tell her I loved her and it would be alright?

My heart was finally broken. I was broken as can be. Listening to The Script and John Mayer broken.

Three weeks later I get a text from Ariel. We meet for Fourth of July and have the most romantic night on the beach. It was the most beautiful night, fireworks lit the night sky as we sat and grew closer in the most emotional way imaginable. Man I still remember that red dress, those ruby red lips and white converse that she loved wearing. We met a couple times after and things were going great, until the night I saw her out at a nightclub with a guy who she claimed was a friend from work. I tried to play it as cool as possible but considering I had just taken 10 shots of fireball, it wasn’t so simple or clear. But what was she doing there? She never went out to places like that.  After that night, we grew apart again and she started dating said “friend from work”.  Admittedly, in a way I feel like I served the love of my life to said friend on a silver platter.

So here I am today, 3 months later, I leave in 30 days to start my dream career as a fighter pilot. Yet I feel like there’s something missing, like there’s something still left for me to do.  I’ve made every move in the book to try to show this girl how much I care. I’ve written letters, gave her space, played it cool and I’m not exactly sure where it has gotten me. Here is the guy that a couple months ago didn’t care if he got that text, is here unable to let go. How do you let go of someone you’ve thought about every day from your first date to present? I have been out on dates since the breakup with some very attractive women who were great in their own right, but it’s not the same anymore. The hardest part is being so close and having so much to say but knowing it won’t change anything or even push her further away when all you want is to hold her in your arms, look her in those dreamy eyes, say “I love you” as we kiss the night goodbye.

But I am out of time.

       Ariel, If you ever get a chance to read this, I hope you understand why I acted the way I did. It was my first real relationship and I was scared of where it would go. You were the one I was always searching for. I love you like I have never loved anything before and I wouldn’t change anything that we did together even if I wanted to (though I would have opened my heart more). Every second we spent cuddled on my bed watching Footloose and Grease, you sleeping in my arms and even playing Rummikub, I wouldn’t trade for anything, even going Mach 2 with my tail on fire (Top Gun Reference). Know that if the day comes that you give your heart to me again, there won’t be a day that goes by that you feel unappreciated or unloved. I’ll make you the happiest girl in the world. It was never my intention to hurt you; but I did, and I can’t apologize enough. I’ll spend a lifetime trying to make this right; but if you read this and you decide that we will never be together again, I understand. Just know that you have impacted my life and there will always be a piece of my heart still in love with you and I miss you babe. Read this whenever you’re feeling down or lonely and know that there is always someone thinking about you. I hope it makes you smile that smile that I’ll never forget.

Nothing has challenged me and changed my way of thinking as much as that little blonde, small town country girl and I love her for it. What’s heartbreaking is that sometimes you meet the perfect person at the wrong time, and when the time is right, it may be too late. I hope it’s not too late.

I guess the message here is; If you’re reading this and you have a loved one in your life that you know deep down is special; never let that person slip away, treat them the way they should be treated because that doesn’t come around very often. Too many times we take our partners for granted so: Say how you feel! Cause once they’ve decide to leave, no matter how much you yell, “I love you”, they won’t hear you. If they’ve already left, never stop fighting for them or let your love go even if that means walking away for now.  I really hope that people will share this enough so that we can learn to appreciate what we have and maybe Ariel will see this someday and we can start over. A great quote I read on one of the now incessant Facebook memes said, “Love them like they’re leaving and they’ll never leave”...Ain’t that the damn truth!?

Is There a “Reacher” and a “Settler” in Every Relationship?

Is There a “Reacher” and a “Settler” in Every Relationship?

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There was an episode of How I Met Your Mother that discussed this theory: every “good relationship” has both a “reacher” and a “settler.” “One person reaches for someone above their league and one person settles below theirs.” But is this theory really valid? I know that for my personal love life it doesn’t really ring true, so I had to explore it. Evolutionary psychology (theory based on survival and reproductive mechanisms’ perspectives) suggests that people end up matched with mates of equal value. For instance, if you and your significant other were to be in a study and you had to be rated on your attractiveness and they rated you as a “7” lets say, then most likely your significant other would be rated around a 6 or 7 also, since the theory suggests that you end up being paired up with others of similar “mate value” in your communities. Across different cultures, evolutionary theory research has found that people want to be with the best they can get. It is suggested that people aren’t only settling for the best they can get, because people are also very much attracted to their mates (of similar attractiveness).

Evolutionary theories can be helpful in understanding mating preferences and dating behaviors, but when it comes to the emotion of love you have to recognize its limitations. Physical attraction is only part of it. How are we to judge the connection between two people? And how are we to judge whom is settling for whom? Yes, we see some couples and we may think “he’s too good for her” or “what does she see in him?” And yes we all know those people who will even admit that they aren’t in love, or they may be cheating, etc. In those cases it’s more evident that someone was “settling” for that relationship (for whatever the reason may be). But in most cases, I would argue the reason most long term relationships work is because no one was settling or reaching. Instead, two people who were attracted to each other, for more than just physical reasons, had a strong connection.

With that being said, if we are going to judge other couples on who is the reacher and the settler, it is important to consider the whole package. Therefore, a model (lets pretend she’s bitchy and mean) married to a short bald guy musician (lets pretend he’s funny and charismatic) may not be settling for him, but instead they could be of equal value taking other points into perspective beyond just attractiveness. This perspective takes getting use to, but keep an open mind on examining the whole package, which includes intellect, humor, creativity, and so much more.

Self-awareness and experience help us know our “mate value.” I have observed in some people who have a difficult time finding a long term partner lack that self-awareness. These people believe they should get that tall, dark and handsome (and rich) guy, or that beautiful, smart, cover girl look alike lady. Yet they don’t offer the same value in return. Our mating preferences get shaped by our experiences, positively or negatively, reinforced. It’s okay to have deal breakers, I’ll admit that I’ve overlooked several guys because they weren’t tall enough or smart enough for me to be attracted to them, but the truth is we do discriminate when we choose our mates. Not saying to not discriminate but to be open minded. If you’re single for a long time and you’re wondering why, it could be that you have unrealistic expectations of who you’re long term significant other should be.

Anyway, so get out there and start dating! Stop thinking that you are too good for him or her and be open to the idea that love sometimes happens with people you wouldn’t (initially) expect. A relationship doesn’t need a “reacher” and a “settler” to make it work, but rather equal partners who are in love (regardless if others “understand” it).

 

 

http://elitedaily.com/dating/reacher-settler-every-relationship/1588564/

12 Signs The Girl You are Dating is Actually Into You

12 Signs The Girl You are Dating is Actually Into You

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So fellas, you’ve recently started dating a girl that you really like and you’ve gone out with her a few times, but she’s either giving you mixed signals or you’re just not sure if she’s really into you. Even though she keeps going out with you, you both haven’t communicated your relationship intentions yet, and you’re afraid to tell her how you feel because it’s too soon. You don’t want to be Mr. Right Now and you want something more than casual. Here are 12 signs that the girl you are dating is actually really into you and you’re not a “filler” until she finds a guy who she really wants as a boyfriend: 1) She doesn’t take hours to text or call you back. 2) She thanks you after you took her out on a date. 3) She commits to plans with you in advance. 4) She enjoys spending time with you even when you’re doing nothing – like staying in for the night ordering takeout and watching TV. 5) She wants you to meet her girlfriends. 6) She grooms herself more when she knows she’s going to see you (e.g., makeup, outfit, hair). 7) When you make plans to do things it isn’t always what she wants to do. She’ll be happy to go watch the game with you and your friends. 8) She connects with you on social media throughout the day (e.g., likes your facebook or Instagram photo). 9) She initiates texts; you aren’t the one that always has to text her first. 10) She talks about her family and other values that are important to her and she asks you about your priorities and values. 11) She really interested in learning more about who you really are (e.g., asks a lot of questions about your past). 12) She gives you attention and affection without you chasing her for it.

A good catch will want to be caught, no need for chasing. If the girl you are dating is showing you these signs, she’ll be open to being more than casual. Take a chance and see what can happen!

3 Reasons Why Men in their Twenties Don’t Want Girlfriends

3 Reasons Why Men in their Twenties Don’t Want Girlfriends

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In recent years the dating stories I have been hearing all sound very similar—after 2 or 3 months of casually dating a girl, the guy started to get the hint that the girl wanted something more serious. The girl wanted it to become a committed boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship, and the guy cut it off because he said he just wasn’t “ready,” or something to that extent. In some of these cases it could be that the guy just wasn’t that into her for something long term. However, in many of these stories it becomes clear that while the guy genuinely really cared for and liked the girl (e.g., introduced her to his friends and talked every day), other preoccupations got in his way. That’s the thing with your twenties: you’re still figuring things out. There’s a lot of pressure in society (and in human nature) for men to be established, successful, and have been with a lot of women by the time they “settle down.” Here are the three reasons that twentysomething year old men – er, shall we say “boys” – don’t want to have girlfriends, apart from the golden rule of “he’s just not that into you.”

1. Friends, Career and other priorities Men in their twenties put a lot of attention and value into their “boys time.” That need they have to spend time with the guys goes away as they get older and start prioritizing their romantic relationship. This is also the age that you get out of college and start your career. They feel the pressure because they are at the bottom of the ladder trying to work their way up. They are trying to find their place in the world in the career or job of their choice. Friends and Career are often a reason men this age do not want long term relationships so they can focus on other priorities and not on love.

2. Emotionally unavailable/immature—seeking experiences for what they look for in a long term girlfriend Men at this age are very immature emotionally (usually). They also have a tendency to not be available emotionally because it is such an evolving period of their lives. They could be getting out of another relationship, transitioning to a new job, moving to a new city etc. All of these stressors can interfere with them feeling emotionally ready for a girlfriend. They also don’t know what they want and are looking for what they want in a long term girlfriend by being single and dating around, even if they are doing it without conscious awareness.

3. Sexual commitment/Time—seeking sexual experiences. Men at this age are in their sexual prime, and are therefore constantly in pursuit of novel sexual experience. They also don’t have a ticking biological clock, so they know they have time to settle down and to be sexually monogamous with a girl in the future. They also don’t have the pressure to be committed because, let’s face it, many women in New York have no problem with casual sex and so men don’t feel the need to have a girlfriend to have sex regularly.

The average twentysomething year old guy could not want a girlfriend for one of these reasons or maybe even all three. These reasons were inspired by my own past dating experiences and by most of my current single girlfriends experiencing these issues in NYC today. However, these reasons go beyond NYC dating and can be extended to universal Western modern dating cultures. So what happens now if you are dating a guy in his twenties who is very focused on his career to the point he doesn’t have time for you, or maybe he rather spend time with his friends in his free time, and/or maybe he sleeps around with other girls? Well the message I am sending is this—respect yourself enough to walk away from someone that isn’t making you happy because he’s not there for you the way you’d like. You are his “part-time,” “downtime,” or “sometime” and you want a committed boyfriend. If the guy isn’t giving that to you move on to the next because they aren’t even worth your time! One day, you will find that guy who doesn’t have one or all of these three reasons for not wanting a girlfriend. One day.

http://elitedaily.com/dating/3-reasons-men-twenties-dont-want-girlfriends/746708/

Sex Before Monogamy: Here’s why it’s a Yes

Sex Before Monogamy: Here’s why it’s a Yes

Careless choices of sexual partners can lead to unwanted pregnancies, abusive relationships, emotional problems and sexually transmitted infections. Be selective with who you are sexually involved with. But if you have romantic feelings for someone and you want to see where the relationship will go, sex before monogamy is the right direction to head in.

The famous tag line of Millionaire Matchmaker Patty Stanger is “No sex before monogamy!”… But the issue with that concept is that in most cases, you don’t know your compatibility with a romantic partner until you have sexual intercourse.

Here’s why sex before committing to a long term monogamous relationship is a good idea:

  • Sex allows people to evaluate how sexually compatible they are. Through sex, women can observe certain qualities about a man, such as: his sensitivity, his reliability, and his concern with her happiness. Sexual incompatibility is responsible for a large portion of why people cheat, whether it’s a long term dating partner or a married partner. Cheating can be avoided by assessing sexual compatibility before making a long term monogamous commitment. This ultimately can lead to avoiding divorce!
  • Sex allows people to get to know each other in metaphysical ways.  Sex represents a spiritual merging of energy fields, which brings people together in meaningful and unexpected ways. Some researchers have found that women hold on to the DNA of their sex partners even when they do not become pregnant. This means that females can absorb and carry living DNA and cells from every male they have unprotected intercouse with!

I’m not suggesting you go out there and have casual sex per say because you are single and lonely, but I am suggesting you be open to the idea not everyone you have sexual intercourse with has to be for a long term relationship. The goal for all of us should be to end up in a monogamous and loving relationship, because that’s what our brains were wired to do after all. Sex has been and will always be a vital part of every romantic relationship.