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After a breakup, typically there are so many questions and so little answers. I’ll share with you my tips on how to handle a breakup and some common questions I hear from clients.

 

My tips for getting over a breakup:

  • Analyze: Dwell on the details for a set period of Time. Grieve:  Loss is devastating - you have to find a way to cope and allow yourself time to grieve
  • Grow: A breakup can be a new beginning for personal growth. Consider that -others who have done something great in their lives were pushed to do it because they endured a heart break?
  • Nourish: Take care of your body and love it - stress from a break-up can take a toll.  Revenge body you say?
  • Self-Reflect: Examine your old patterns for ways to make changes. You can’t get different results by repeating the same actions over and over again; that’s literally the definition of insanity.  Change may not be easy, but it’s a worthwhile endeavor.  
  • Avoid the blame game and take responsibility for your share of the relationship.
  • Change your mind set if you feel like years have been wasted in the relationship and you are owed something.  No one is owed anything.
  • Never give up! Don’t let your ego get in the way of finding love.
  • And, most importantly, keep your heart open. Fear of getting hurt is human nature but stay in the dating game!

 

Common questions:

  • Should I unfriend my ex on Facebook?

A break up is more difficult in this era of social media because our exes are electronically in our world.  But it’s a good idea to unfriend and stop following on social media because some people can’t fight the urge to see what their exes are up to. A small percentage aren’t bothered by it and don’t delete and stalk, but most of us will stalk if we are still friends on social networks.

If you delete them, you don’t risk liking their photo on Instagram or commenting on a Facebook picture when you are drunk or having a weak moment.

 

  • Is it okay to remain friends with my ex and hang out sometimes?

This is a complicated one. The simple answer is No.  However, it really depends on you and how over the break up you are. Also, what are your intentions by remaining friends?  If he’s trying to be “friends” and you two are now casually hooking up but you secretly still want to be with him; that’s a problem!  You’re lying to yourself. You can’t have a no strings attached relationship with your ex that is simple and uncomplicated. Conversely if the relationship is just platonic with your ex, ask yourself why you want the relationship?  What is it that he’s providing that you can’t get from your girlfriends or platonic guy friends you don’t have feelings for?  By cutting strong emotional ties with your ex, it will allow you to bond and build a new deep connection with someone else. A continued relationship with your ex may delay that process for you.

 

 

A psychological study pointed out that on the day divorcing coupled signed their divorce papers they commonly felt feelings for one another and some even hooked up! Why?  Because we remember the good memories and forget the reason we broke up in the first place. So imagine how easy it is to fall into the trap of going back to an ex if you’re still “friends.” Also be cautious of your ex’s intentions. Maybe he’s keeping you around for when he’s ready to grow up, or if something better doesn’t come along. Our human drive for security is just as strong as our drive for spontaneity.

 

Take risks!  View the break up as an integral part of growth for you.  Breakups teach us what we want in a life partner. Being in a relationship teaches us a lot about ourselves. Experience builds confidence without us even realizing it.

Stay open and love will come back in. ~