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Searching for Love in the New Year?

Searching for Love in the New Year?


  The end of the year can create much anxiety.  Have I accomplished all my personal goals??    I have more recently learned to be grateful for what I have & what I have accomplished.  This feeling of gratitude has provided a calmness and peacefulness that I hadn’t experienced when I was younger.

But, as I talk to some friends and clients, I sense their feelings of uneasiness that I recognize from my earlier single years. That feeling where the ball is dropping on New Year’s Eve and all you want more than anything is love.  Yes.  That feeling. “My wish for 20** is the man (or woman) of my dreams.  The mushy kind from rom-coms.”

If you are anxious about starting a new year because  you don’t have the ideal romantic partner you’ve been longing for, and it scares the sh*t out of you that another year has  slipped by, you are NOT alone.

The bad news: Your anxiety and desperation are keeping you from finding love.  The good news: You can change that.  It takes work to learn about ourselves and become mindful of our past behavioral patterns and mistakes.  But guess what, people can & do change!

The biggest lesson?  Living life in the present and enjoying yourself as cliché as it may sound.  It’s what younger me didn’t know 6 years ago, when I wished for love as the clock struck midnight and I saw fireworks.  I kept planning for the life I wanted and lived in a state of anxiety because I didn’t feel complete.  What was really missing in my life at that time was the opportunity to show MYSELF more love.

This year, wish for personal growth, not for love. Love will come when you allow it to enter. When you have succeeded in loving and putting yourself first.

In the spirit of the New Year, I want to share my goals.  Below are my top 15; I tried to keep it short, don’t judge me!


  1. Spend quality time with myself
  2. Add more fun to my life
  3. Nurture friendships
  4. Meditate
  5. Prioritize family (sorry for putting ya’ll on the back burner for a while)
  6. Be kind to myself(nae nae with the body shaming)
  7. Take more risks
  8. Sleep more
  9. Continue to open my mind
  10. Spend less on clothes, shoes yadda yadda. . . No seriously! , I’m going to try this 90 days thing where I can’t buy shoes. I was inspired by another woman’s journey. Wish me luck!
  11. Eat healthier---for my mind, body and soul
  12. Spend time away from my partner. I don’t need to be attached to his hip (love you babe)
  13. My word is my bond—sticking to NO, and not doing things I don’t want to do
  14. Become a better listener
  15. Make love like nobody is watching (probably my favorite one! #oops)



It’s like momma says, you can’t hurry love.  Remember to live life the way you want to live it.  You only get one life, and don’t waste it planning and planning for love to come. ~


When Should I Sleep with Him?

When Should I Sleep with Him?


  Ladies, when is the right time to sleep with a man?  Everyone seems to have an opinion on this topic, from your friends, to celebrities and even doctors.  Should you sleep with him or shouldn’t you?

Research shows that most people in the U.S. sleep with someone around date three, others on the first date, and some only after marriage.

The objective of talking about this topic is to empower you to do what you are comfortable with. There is no steadfast three date rule, one month rule, or magic formula for the perfect time.  In my opinion, you can feel emotionally connected and attracted to someone even the first, second, or third date. You don’t have to wait three months because a celebrity dating coach said it will get you the man you want and weed off those who only want sex.

If you’re not sure on the first few dates whether you want to sleep with that new guy, then waiting is a good idea. It’s about reading the cues. Sex can enhance the chemistry or make it fizzle before it even has a chance to develop.

The following key points regarding when to sleep with a man are taken from various popular magazines, experts and books.

“The longer you put off having sex, the better the sex will be.”

I disagree.  If you wait too long to have sex, the sex might be awkward It may also create overly high expectations for that first time.


Men are persuading you into bed, but looking for you to say ‘no’ to make it part of the chase.”

I disagree. I think men initially don’t know if they are interested in a woman for short term or long term “mating.” However they want to sleep with you regardless.


“Making him wait to have sex will ensure he’s invested in it for the longer haul.”

Sometimes. But there’s also men who will wait several dates until you decide to sleep with him, and are still not interested in a monogamous relationship. It’s something you should communicate if monogamy before sex is important to you.


“Sex can cloud judgment.”

I agree. Sex can make things more complicated. If the attraction is too hot and heavy right from the start, you may miss noticing key personality traits you don’t like that are deal breakers for you.


“Talk about where the relationship is going before getting into bed with him”

Sometimes. What are your expectations if you have sex with him? If your values dictate that in order to have sex with him, you need to first be in a committed monogamous relationship, then go ahead and have that talk with him. Not every man is going to be comfortable with this conversation. Some may be scared off thinking they haven’t even slept with you yet, how do you expect them to commit? However, there are men willing to commit and invest in a relationship before sleeping together if they are marriage minded.  Ask yourself these questions – How well do I know him? How comfortable am I having sex with him?



To conclude, keep in mind that some men are highly influenced by the double standard.  Knowing your man’s attitudes and ideals regarding sex can provide cues to knowing how long to wait. There is no formula. It depends on the connection you two have and having sex can make that connection even stronger. If a man judges you because you slept with him “too soon” according to his standards, he may be struggling with a Madonna-whore dichotomy. Bottom line, do what you feel comfortable, when you feel comfortable.


10 Reasons Why Dating is Better in NYC than Anywhere Else!

10 Reasons Why Dating is Better in NYC than Anywhere Else!


People are always mentioning the horrors of dating in New York City.  I would like to offer another perspective; why aren’t people noticing all the pros of being single and meeting and dating in the best city in the world?  Perhaps a lot of New Yorkers just don’t realize how good we have it! Seriously….  

Here’s a list of reasons why I think dating in NYC is the absolute best:

  1. Mobility: 24 hour public transportation—subway, taxi, uber, water taxi yadda yadda. Round the clock public transit is not something to be taken for granted. You can escape a date at any time!
  2. Got a type you prefer to date? The creative types, the finance types, hipsters--whatever tickles your fancy we got em. And we have people from every culture/ethnicity from every part of the world.
  3. With almost 3,000 bars/nightclubs/taverns you can always get your drink on even in the wee hours.
  4. Dinner date? No problem! The city has roughly 16,250 full service restaurants, 19,000 counter service restaurants, and over 4,000 snack and specialty food bars.
  5. Brunching. So you can date during the day time too.
  6. Coffee date? 1700 coffee shops. Apparently Manhattan has the highest density of cafes per zip code. Also about half of the shops within all five boroughs are indie shops so you are not limited to the chains like Starbucks or Dunkin (sorry Starbucks and Dunkin).
  7. Variety: The endless possibilities of events and other stuff to do is great. What’s even better is there’s always free events happening in town: such as free concert series, outdoor movies, and festivals.
  8. Adventure: There’s also experience type of dates you can have—such as rock climbing, late night sail, music festivals, pub crawls just to name a few and almost any type of entertainment you can imagine. So you and your date(s) don’t need to be boring.  After all, it’s “the city that never sleeps”.
  9. What’s Your Pleasure? There’s a huge underground culture and scene in the city. New York has not lost its edge. From what I understand there’s sex clubs—swingers, gay S&M clubs--you name it!
  10. Last but not least (for now) -- it’s really easy to meet people. Yes I said it. So stop thinking that it’s hard to meet people here. If approaching and connecting with someone in person is hard for you, then consider online dating as an introductory service to determine interest. Here’s some of the current popular sites/apps in the city that have lots of users: Tinder, Hinge, Happn, Bumble, OKCupid, Match, Jswipe, Grouper, and Coffee Meets Bagel.


There’s so many wonderful reasons why NYC is the best for dating. Also, I’d like to change people’s assumptions that people in NYC “aren’t looking to get married.”  I don’t believe that to be true. I would argue that people here tend to naturally be more ambitious and therefore may post pone getting married and settling down for a little later.  It doesn’t change that they want to one day get married or that every relationship has to be casual.


I heard a saying recently “single as a dollar bill.”  Well if you’re as single as a dollar bill in NYC it probably isn’t NYC, it may be you need to change your perspective. I might be able to help. Come talk to me. ~