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Romantic relationship breakups

When Should I Sleep with Him?

When Should I Sleep with Him?


  Ladies, when is the right time to sleep with a man?  Everyone seems to have an opinion on this topic, from your friends, to celebrities and even doctors.  Should you sleep with him or shouldn’t you?

Research shows that most people in the U.S. sleep with someone around date three, others on the first date, and some only after marriage.

The objective of talking about this topic is to empower you to do what you are comfortable with. There is no steadfast three date rule, one month rule, or magic formula for the perfect time.  In my opinion, you can feel emotionally connected and attracted to someone even the first, second, or third date. You don’t have to wait three months because a celebrity dating coach said it will get you the man you want and weed off those who only want sex.

If you’re not sure on the first few dates whether you want to sleep with that new guy, then waiting is a good idea. It’s about reading the cues. Sex can enhance the chemistry or make it fizzle before it even has a chance to develop.

The following key points regarding when to sleep with a man are taken from various popular magazines, experts and books.

“The longer you put off having sex, the better the sex will be.”

I disagree.  If you wait too long to have sex, the sex might be awkward It may also create overly high expectations for that first time.


Men are persuading you into bed, but looking for you to say ‘no’ to make it part of the chase.”

I disagree. I think men initially don’t know if they are interested in a woman for short term or long term “mating.” However they want to sleep with you regardless.


“Making him wait to have sex will ensure he’s invested in it for the longer haul.”

Sometimes. But there’s also men who will wait several dates until you decide to sleep with him, and are still not interested in a monogamous relationship. It’s something you should communicate if monogamy before sex is important to you.


“Sex can cloud judgment.”

I agree. Sex can make things more complicated. If the attraction is too hot and heavy right from the start, you may miss noticing key personality traits you don’t like that are deal breakers for you.


“Talk about where the relationship is going before getting into bed with him”

Sometimes. What are your expectations if you have sex with him? If your values dictate that in order to have sex with him, you need to first be in a committed monogamous relationship, then go ahead and have that talk with him. Not every man is going to be comfortable with this conversation. Some may be scared off thinking they haven’t even slept with you yet, how do you expect them to commit? However, there are men willing to commit and invest in a relationship before sleeping together if they are marriage minded.  Ask yourself these questions – How well do I know him? How comfortable am I having sex with him?



To conclude, keep in mind that some men are highly influenced by the double standard.  Knowing your man’s attitudes and ideals regarding sex can provide cues to knowing how long to wait. There is no formula. It depends on the connection you two have and having sex can make that connection even stronger. If a man judges you because you slept with him “too soon” according to his standards, he may be struggling with a Madonna-whore dichotomy. Bottom line, do what you feel comfortable, when you feel comfortable.


Get Over a Breakup Faster by Dwelling on the Details

Get Over a Breakup Faster by Dwelling on the Details


Romantic relationship breakups are a huge stressor and an emotionally painful experience most people go through at least a couple times in their lives. The act of analyzing and reflecting on the relationship is a way of coping. It’s important to reflect back on the relationship and allow yourself to feel everything you want to feel. This period of reflection about who you were as a person when you were with that person or why you broke up is perfectly healthy. Avoiding those feelings and not allowing yourself to dwell on the details can really prevent you from quickly moving on. Perhaps it’s binging on rom coms, spilling your guts to your best friend, or meeting with a therapist and/or dating coach to help you move on. We are only human. A recent study published in the Journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science (Study of Breakup Recovery) investigated whether consistent discussion about the breakup helped with recovery. The participants were young adults who have been through a non-marital breakup within the past six months. Researchers had two groups; one group of participants reflected on the breakup through interviews with researchers and privately spoke about their relationship through a voice recorder, the other group just completed questionnaires before and after the study.

The researchers found that the sample of participants who had reflected more on their relationship and the breakup felt better by the end of the study. Some people think that dwelling on the details of a breakup prevents you from moving on or letting go, but reflecting on the breakup was found to be quite the coping strategy. The researchers found that the group who felt better by the end of the study was due to reflecting on their “self-concept,” who they are outside of that relationship. So focusing on who you are apart from a couple should empower you to feel better.

If you have recently gone through a breakup I suggest you consider why you broke up and what you want your next relationship to look like. Imagine all the possibilities.