There are so many Do’s and Don’ts out there when it comes to online dating that it’s hard to keep track. From swiping to messaging to texting/phone contact, so much can go wrong in between that keeps you from getting that date with the girl(s) you want. On the flip side, perhaps you’re great at setting up a first date, but cannot ensure that there will be a second date (and not by choice). Recently, a client of mine shared that she went on a date with a guy she met through Jswipe. She was eager to meet the guy she had been chatting with all week and they set up the first date with gusto. But then during their date I got a frantic message from her on how bad it was going. She used the word “torture”; apparently he didn’t look like his pictures. Another client of mine said the guy talked about money, sex, and his health problems on their first date. Also, one of my clients recently talked about issues with a guy’s social media. Hate to point out the obvious, but people judge you based on your social media. That balls deep joke can be considered offensive if a girl reads it on your Facebook page. Remember, the girl hasn’t met you yet, and doesn’t know your humor like your family and friends do.
Here are 5 simple Don’ts that I have gathered by hearing stories from my (female and male) dating coaching clients that I wanted to share with the men to ensure that you get that second date. (Ladies, I have a lot of Don’ts for you too, but keeping it about the guys with this one.)
- Don’t Overshare: talking about money, your health problems, and inappropriate jokes, talking about you ex, controversial topics, and even oversharing on social media counts.
- Don’t keep saying what a “nice guy” you are. It’s a turn off. Girls want nice guys but saying you’re a nice guy can be interpreted as you’ve been often treated poorly by girls. Remember women want to be with a man whose kind and is genuinely interested but they don’t want to feel like the man is trying too hard to be nice.
- Don’t straight up lie on your profile- height, what you do for a living, or use misleading photos when you were 10 pounds thinner and your hair wasn’t balding. You can dress better and pick your best photos sure but no need to hide who you are. It’s OK to pick your best photos, just make sure they’re realistic photos of you as well.
- Don’t talk about sex—what’s your favorite sex position? Ugh. Men don’t want to hear about commitment and women don’t want to hear about sex before even meeting you.
- Don’t lose momentum; don’t wait days to reply to a girl you really like because you don’t want to seem desperate. Be the real you and show her you’re interested by replying to messages and setting up that date without losing that momentum and keeping the convo flowing.
And lastly, before I send you off to continue swiping, a motivational quote from one of my favorite oldie but goodies Rom-Coms, “10 Things I hate About You.” Health Ledger states, “Don’t let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.” Now, go get her!