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When Should I Sleep with Him?

When Should I Sleep with Him?


  Ladies, when is the right time to sleep with a man?  Everyone seems to have an opinion on this topic, from your friends, to celebrities and even doctors.  Should you sleep with him or shouldn’t you?

Research shows that most people in the U.S. sleep with someone around date three, others on the first date, and some only after marriage.

The objective of talking about this topic is to empower you to do what you are comfortable with. There is no steadfast three date rule, one month rule, or magic formula for the perfect time.  In my opinion, you can feel emotionally connected and attracted to someone even the first, second, or third date. You don’t have to wait three months because a celebrity dating coach said it will get you the man you want and weed off those who only want sex.

If you’re not sure on the first few dates whether you want to sleep with that new guy, then waiting is a good idea. It’s about reading the cues. Sex can enhance the chemistry or make it fizzle before it even has a chance to develop.

The following key points regarding when to sleep with a man are taken from various popular magazines, experts and books.

“The longer you put off having sex, the better the sex will be.”

I disagree.  If you wait too long to have sex, the sex might be awkward It may also create overly high expectations for that first time.


Men are persuading you into bed, but looking for you to say ‘no’ to make it part of the chase.”

I disagree. I think men initially don’t know if they are interested in a woman for short term or long term “mating.” However they want to sleep with you regardless.


“Making him wait to have sex will ensure he’s invested in it for the longer haul.”

Sometimes. But there’s also men who will wait several dates until you decide to sleep with him, and are still not interested in a monogamous relationship. It’s something you should communicate if monogamy before sex is important to you.


“Sex can cloud judgment.”

I agree. Sex can make things more complicated. If the attraction is too hot and heavy right from the start, you may miss noticing key personality traits you don’t like that are deal breakers for you.


“Talk about where the relationship is going before getting into bed with him”

Sometimes. What are your expectations if you have sex with him? If your values dictate that in order to have sex with him, you need to first be in a committed monogamous relationship, then go ahead and have that talk with him. Not every man is going to be comfortable with this conversation. Some may be scared off thinking they haven’t even slept with you yet, how do you expect them to commit? However, there are men willing to commit and invest in a relationship before sleeping together if they are marriage minded.  Ask yourself these questions – How well do I know him? How comfortable am I having sex with him?



To conclude, keep in mind that some men are highly influenced by the double standard.  Knowing your man’s attitudes and ideals regarding sex can provide cues to knowing how long to wait. There is no formula. It depends on the connection you two have and having sex can make that connection even stronger. If a man judges you because you slept with him “too soon” according to his standards, he may be struggling with a Madonna-whore dichotomy. Bottom line, do what you feel comfortable, when you feel comfortable.


5 Don’ts for Guys to be More Successful with Online Dating

5 Don’ts for Guys to be More Successful with Online Dating


There are so many Do’s and Don’ts out there when it comes to online dating that it’s hard to keep track. From swiping to messaging to texting/phone contact, so much can go wrong in between that keeps you from getting that date with the girl(s) you want.  On the flip side, perhaps you’re great at setting up a first date, but cannot ensure that there will be a second date (and not by choice). Recently, a client of mine shared that she went on a date with a guy she met through Jswipe. She was eager to meet the guy she had been chatting with all week and they set up the first date with gusto. But then during their date I got a frantic message from her on how bad it was going. She used the word “torture”; apparently he didn’t look like his pictures. Another client of mine said the guy talked about money, sex, and his health problems on their first date. Also, one of my clients recently talked about issues with a guy’s social media. Hate to point out the obvious, but people judge you based on your social media. That balls deep joke can be considered offensive if a girl reads it on your Facebook page. Remember, the girl hasn’t met you yet, and doesn’t know your humor like your family and friends do.

Here are 5 simple Don’ts that I have gathered by hearing stories from my (female and male) dating coaching clients that I wanted to share with the men to ensure that you get that second date. (Ladies, I have a lot of Don’ts for you too, but keeping it about the guys with this one.)


  • Don’t Overshare: talking about money, your health problems, and inappropriate jokes, talking about you ex, controversial topics, and even oversharing on social media counts.
  • Don’t keep saying what a “nice guy” you are. It’s a turn off. Girls want nice guys but saying you’re a nice guy can be interpreted as you’ve been often treated poorly by girls. Remember women want to be with a man whose kind and is genuinely interested but they don’t want to feel like the man is trying too hard to be nice.
  • Don’t straight up lie on your profile- height, what you do for a living, or use misleading photos when you were 10 pounds thinner and your hair wasn’t balding. You can dress better and pick your best photos sure but no need to hide who you are. It’s OK to pick your best photos, just make sure they’re realistic photos of you as well.
  • Don’t talk about sex—what’s your favorite sex position? Ugh. Men don’t want to hear about commitment and women don’t want to hear about sex before even meeting you.
  • Don’t lose momentum; don’t wait days to reply to a girl you really like because you don’t want to seem desperate. Be the real you and show her you’re interested by replying to messages and setting up that date without losing that momentum and keeping the convo flowing.

And lastly, before I send you off to continue swiping, a motivational quote from one of my favorite oldie but goodies Rom-Coms, “10 Things I hate About You.” Health Ledger states, “Don’t let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.” Now, go get her!