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When Should I Sleep with Him?

When Should I Sleep with Him?

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  Ladies, when is the right time to sleep with a man?  Everyone seems to have an opinion on this topic, from your friends, to celebrities and even doctors.  Should you sleep with him or shouldn’t you?

Research shows that most people in the U.S. sleep with someone around date three, others on the first date, and some only after marriage.

The objective of talking about this topic is to empower you to do what you are comfortable with. There is no steadfast three date rule, one month rule, or magic formula for the perfect time.  In my opinion, you can feel emotionally connected and attracted to someone even the first, second, or third date. You don’t have to wait three months because a celebrity dating coach said it will get you the man you want and weed off those who only want sex.

If you’re not sure on the first few dates whether you want to sleep with that new guy, then waiting is a good idea. It’s about reading the cues. Sex can enhance the chemistry or make it fizzle before it even has a chance to develop.

The following key points regarding when to sleep with a man are taken from various popular magazines, experts and books.

“The longer you put off having sex, the better the sex will be.”

I disagree.  If you wait too long to have sex, the sex might be awkward It may also create overly high expectations for that first time.

 

Men are persuading you into bed, but looking for you to say ‘no’ to make it part of the chase.”

I disagree. I think men initially don’t know if they are interested in a woman for short term or long term “mating.” However they want to sleep with you regardless.

 

“Making him wait to have sex will ensure he’s invested in it for the longer haul.”

Sometimes. But there’s also men who will wait several dates until you decide to sleep with him, and are still not interested in a monogamous relationship. It’s something you should communicate if monogamy before sex is important to you.

 

“Sex can cloud judgment.”

I agree. Sex can make things more complicated. If the attraction is too hot and heavy right from the start, you may miss noticing key personality traits you don’t like that are deal breakers for you.

 

“Talk about where the relationship is going before getting into bed with him”

Sometimes. What are your expectations if you have sex with him? If your values dictate that in order to have sex with him, you need to first be in a committed monogamous relationship, then go ahead and have that talk with him. Not every man is going to be comfortable with this conversation. Some may be scared off thinking they haven’t even slept with you yet, how do you expect them to commit? However, there are men willing to commit and invest in a relationship before sleeping together if they are marriage minded.  Ask yourself these questions – How well do I know him? How comfortable am I having sex with him?

 

 

To conclude, keep in mind that some men are highly influenced by the double standard.  Knowing your man’s attitudes and ideals regarding sex can provide cues to knowing how long to wait. There is no formula. It depends on the connection you two have and having sex can make that connection even stronger. If a man judges you because you slept with him “too soon” according to his standards, he may be struggling with a Madonna-whore dichotomy. Bottom line, do what you feel comfortable, when you feel comfortable.

 

http://digitalromanceinc.com/dating/sleep-with-him-when-should-you/

 

“I Love You”: Waiting to Hear Your Boyfriend Say Those Three Little Words?

“I Love You”: Waiting to Hear Your Boyfriend Say Those Three Little Words?

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  Who says I Love You first in a relationship: men or women?

According to a study Communicating Commitment in Romantic Relationship men say it first about 70% of the time.  The fact that men are saying it first to their partners significantly more than women makes me wonder if gender roles play a part in it. How many women also don’t want to make the first move and ask a guy out?

The study explained how evolutionarily speaking women have more burden for childbearing and can afford to be choosier with whom they have sex as well as whom they love.  This suggests that in our ancestral environment women waited to declare their love. Perhaps it’s wired in the female brain. So let’s go back to the idea behind a woman professing her love first.

Since men are saying it first the majority of the time in the relationship, does it follow that women are thinking it and feeling it as well but waiting for the guy to profess?  On average it appears that men and women in romantic (sexual) relationships are at the “I love you” stage a few months to half a year into the relationship.  If it’s taking nine months to a year, it may not mean he doesn’t love you, he could just be less emotionally expressive than yo

In recent conversations with women in this position, I would like to share what I emphasized to them.  Keep in mind the following 3 points if you’re at the stage in a romantic relationship with a guy: —dating him for a few months, —falling in love and wondering why he hasn’t professed his love to you.

  • Ask yourself if this relationship is moving at a pace you are comfortable with.  If it’s not and it’s really bothering you that he hasn’t said “I love you,” then it’s worth discussing with him.  Have a conversation about what the possible expectations are behind those 3 words. Perhaps he thinks that once he says “I love you” the expectations are that he has to move in with you, or it’s time to start the wedding planning.  It’s important to ensure that you both understand each other’s perspective.
  • If you avoid having the conversation with him about how you feel, unnecessary tension is likely to build in the relationship. It will come out in other ways through petty conflict and arguments because you need to know what he’s thinking.  And if he loves you why hasn’t he expressed it verbally.
  • After you have the conversation, maybe you’ll sense by his positive reaction and openness to express the strong connection you two have—as a sign that he genuinely loves you. Be willing to give him the time he needs to be ready to say it.  That’s the good scenario.  On the other hand, if after having the conversation you are not sure if he loves you by how he reacted, or if he backs away, give him time to feel and digest his emotions.  It can be confusing. After all, he may want to be the one to say it first.

If after a reasonable amount of time you feel you are not getting closer or taking your relationship to the next stage emotionally, since he still hasn’t said those three little words, then try having the conversation again about your feelings.  Hopefully this time he’s ready to profess his love.  If not, you deserve a man who’s more emotionally available for you.  After all, women can afford to be choosier on who they choose to love. ~